ENCOUNTER #1
Picture yourself on the warmest beach on earth...and suddenly replace that beach with -7 degree Fahrenheit weather, Alaska, and wishing you were on the warmest beach on earth. I walked to school everyday and this never seemed like a big deal to me. This morning was no different. I put on roughly 4 jackets and a wind breaker and my backpack and ventured out of the safety and warmth (not really warm, our heater broke so we used fire. Old school shit) of my home. I walked down the familiar street, heard the familiar sounds, and smelled the familiar smells. Then I noticed something. A large, dark shape, roughly the size of a small Ford truck, raise itself from behind a neighbors house. In hind sight I should have just gone back home, but I was worried my mom wouldn't believe me and then I would loss my video game privileges, so I started to run.
This was very much a large mistake on my part. The large shape quickly emerged from the darkness to reveal a cow moose and her young calf. If you are not familiar with these terms (COUGH idiot COUGH) a cow is a full grown female moose and a calf is a young, "baby" moose. And "thou shalt not fuck with thine baby" is a mother moose's motto. She charged me. I looked backwards at this quickly approaching Demon Horse and decided that it was maybe two large to get me if I went under a car. So I did. This was my first time hiding underneath a vehicle to prevent myself from being trampled to death but it certainly wasn't my last. After the cow gave up on crushing my puny, human body into dust, she decided to lay down the the lawn next to the car I hide under. I looked across the street and saw another car that had enough room for me to get under. I built up my imaginary, 8 year old courage and crawled out from under my steel protector. I bolted towards the red pick-up truck and slid underneath it. This caught the attention of the calf, which in turn, caught the attention of the cow. She moved slowly over to the lawn by the car I was now hiding under.
We continued this process up the street until I ran out of cars to move to. So I waited....and waited...and waited... until those goddamn moose moved back down the street. By this time I had played hide and wait with the moose for an hour and a half. The school had called my mom. Mission failed. I stealthily made my way back home and walked inside and sat down in the living room. My mom scolded me for not coming home as soon as I encounter the moose. I had frostbite on all my fingers and all but one toe. This was the beginning of my hatred for moose.
Now some of you may be like "You were just stupid in this event and you could have avoided it." to which I reply "Fuck you, moose are goddamn frightening and I was only 8." I was gunna post all three encounters in this post but I think I will write the next one later. Moral of this story is "Keep in mind all the high clearance vehicles in your neighborhood." Now click that "Next Blog" button or whatever the hell you people do.
