If at first you don't succeed, let life kick you in the teeth for trying again.

Fuck my life. Let life fuck my life. Let life fuck my life to near death and then nurse my life back to health and then fuck it again and continue the process until the end of time. Why did I push a touchy subject when I knew the outcome would be the equivalency of my being thrown from a moving vehicle into oncoming traffic on the autobahn (I DON'T KNOW HOW THE AUTOBAHN IS PUT TOGETHER OR IF THERE IS EVEN ONCOMING TRAFFIC AND I REFUSE TO DO RESEARCH DURING MY RANT).

I was finally happy, like happy happy. I had a plan, I had a future, I had a goal. Now I don't. I caused this, I am aware of this now, but I saw it coming. I refused to take it head on earlier and I had no choice but to confront it. It won, as I assumed it would, and now I am (what people in my field of work like to call) "Fucked". Not the good kind of fucked either. The bad kind of fucked. 

The worst part is I can't even do anything about it. All I can do is bitch to an audience of a whomping zero and take my Prozac. Speaking (typing) of Prozac, I am taking Prozac now! Apparently I probably should have been taking this stuff for years now but I am just recently getting on it. I don't like the idea of having to take medicine to make me be able to go to work in the morning or hang out with friends in the evening. It sort of takes the "extremes" away from my emotions. It is nice to not be super depressed/angry all the time but I can't be super happy either. Fuck my life.

And in current news, I cannot leave this god forsaken town for 10 months. That is 10 months of flashbacks and regrets. Thank you community college school system, thank you.