Well, that LAST post I put up was alittle much. It was very accurate and still carries truths in it for me but anger and sadness changed into sorta this...nothingness. It isn't so much nothingness as it is the absence of things. I am very dependent on PANDORA now. Just keep playing my "Smashing Pumpkins" channel.
I don't like to do things anymore. The only things I like now are running, my tattoo, and (can't believe I cam going to write this) work. Running hurts and that pain keeps my mind occupied. The tattoo is something that needs attention and care at this time and so I have something to take care of. And work, gives me money that I store away in the bank for....nothing. Kinda like a dragon, just let my riches grow and then have some faggoty hobbit and dwarves fuck my shit up.
I don't even know why I write these things. I think only one person knows about them (other than me) and she doesn't read them (I think). My therapist says these help me out alot because there isn't anyone I want to talk to anymore and it gets my random thoughts out there. Therapeutic. Pandora just started playing "Float on" by Modest Mouse. This song is my 3rd favorite song in the world. It gets me through stuff. It describes me very well right now. Just floating on. Glad I got through that drowning thing.
I guess I am still sad but it is to be expected. This is probably the worst blog thing I have written on here but I don't give a fuck. I just want to be done with this. Done with these thoughts. Done with these feelings. Not the suicidal stuff but sad. I miss sleep. I miss happy. I miss her. I know this is a lame way to end the blog. Deal with it.
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